Helping Kids Cope when a Grandparent Has Dementia

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When a grandparent is diagnosed with dementia, it can be confusing and even unsettling for a child. Explaining the changes your children may notice in your senior loved one requires patience, compassion, and age-appropriate communication. By fostering understanding, you can help your children maintain a meaningful connection with their grandparent and ease their concerns about the situation. 

Understanding Dementia

Before explaining dementia to a child, it’s important to develop your own understanding of what the condition entails. Dementia isn’t a single disease but a term used to describe a range of symptoms that affect memory, thinking, and behavior. Conditions such as Alzheimer’s disease are common causes of dementia. It often leads to confusion, difficulty with communication, and trouble remembering recent events, though its impact varies by individual.  When speaking to your children, keep the explanation simple. For example, you might say “Grandma has an illness that makes it harder for her to remember things or do some of the things she used to do easily.”  Dementia is a serious health condition. If your senior loved one needs help managing an illness or assistance with daily tasks, make sure you choose a top-rated provider of at-home care. Home Care Assistance is here to help your loved one live a happier and healthier life in the golden years. From the mentally stimulating activities in our Cognitive Therapeutics Method to our friendly Care Managers who are available to answer your questions 24 hours a day, we offer a wide array of high-quality at-home care services.

Tailoring Your Explanation to Their Age

Children’s ability to grasp the changes dementia may bring depends largely on their age and developmental stage. 
  • Young children (ages 3–6) – Use simple and comforting language, like “Sometimes Grandpa’s brain doesn’t work the way it used to, so he may forget our names or say things that don’t make sense. But he still loves us very much.” Reassure your children that dementia isn’t contagious and that they didn’t cause it. 
  • Elementary-school age (ages 7–12) – Children in this age group may want more details. Explain that dementia affects the brain and may cause their grandparent to forget things, act differently, or need more help with daily activities. Encourage them to ask questions and offer honest yet age-appropriate answers. 
  • Teenagers – Teens are likely capable of understanding more complex explanations and may even want to learn about the medical aspects of dementia. Encourage open discussions and provide resources if they want to explore the topic further. 

Preparing Children for Behavioral Changes

One of the most challenging aspects of dementia can be the changes in behavior and personality that children might observe. A once-chatty grandparent may become quieter, or someone who was patient and cheerful may appear frustrated or confused.  Help your children prepare by explaining that these changes are part of the illness, not a reflection of their grandparent’s feelings toward them. For instance, you might say “Sometimes Grandma might forget who you are or seem upset without a reason. It’s because her brain is sick, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you.”  Encourage empathy and understanding by reminding children their grandparent isn’t in control of these changes. You can also share strategies, like how to focus on activities their grandparent still enjoys and can participate in.  Consider hiring a professional caregiver if you need someone to provide care to your loved one. There are many reasons seniors might need assistance at home. Some may require regular mental stimulation due to a dementia diagnosis, while others might only need part-time assistance with exercise and basic household tasks. Home Care Assistance is a leading Des Moines homecare services provider. Families rely on our expertly trained caregivers to help their senior loved ones maintain a high quality of life.

Encouraging Meaningful Interactions

Although dementia can limit communication, it’s still possible for children to build positive moments and memories with their grandparent. 
  • Activities – Suggest activities that match their grandparent’s current abilities, such as looking through family photo albums, listening to music, or completing simple puzzles. 
  • Be present – Explain that sometimes just sitting together, holding hands, or sharing a smile can be comforting and meaningful. 
  • Patience – Encourage your children to be patient, even if their grandparent repeats questions or stories. Help them understand they may need to adjust their expectations. 
These interactions can teach kids empathy, compassion, and the value of spending quality time with their loved ones, even in a challenging situation. 

Addressing Children’s Feelings & Questions

Dementia doesn’t just affect the person diagnosed. It impacts the whole family. Children may experience a range of emotions, from confusion and sadness to anger and frustration. Allow your children to share their feelings openly. Create a safe space where they know their emotions are valid and listened to. Reassure them it’s okay to feel upset, but also emphasize the importance of showing kindness and support for their grandparent.  If a child feels nervous about their interactions, role-play scenarios with them to build their confidence. Additionally, be prepared to answer questions like “Will Grandpa get better?” or “Why is Grandma acting this way?” Respond with honesty while keeping your explanations age-appropriate—for example, “Grandpa’s illness doesn’t have a cure right now, but we can still do things to make him feel loved and happy.”  An experienced dementia caregiver can be a wonderful source of information and support for your whole family. Even when families have the best intentions, caring for a senior loved one with dementia can be challenging. Fortunately, Home Care Assistance is here to help. We are a leading provider of dementia care. Des Moines families can take advantage of our flexible and customizable care plans, and our caregivers always stay up to date on the latest developments in senior care. To learn about our premier in-home care plans and how they can help your loved one, give us a call at (515) 264-2438 today. 

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